I keep thinking about how the language within my brain is so quick. Thoughts jump easily from one to the other and I forget and remember constantly, I joke about it a lot, calling it “having a low amount of RAM”. Random-access memory (RAM) is temporary memory storage for data that a computer, phone or any electronic device is working on, when you turn off your device it will forget that working data, the hard drive on the other hand stores all your most important stuff. You can compare it to hand luggage you carry on for temporary storage, smaller items that you might need on the go like a laptop, book, toiletries and emergency clothes. Meanwhile, checked luggage stores the most important parts for your travels that need to be stored safely. Most of your clothes, gifts, and useful items are used for your travel when you arrive at your destination. Basically, even writing down these thoughts is an incredibly chaotic process, even if it can look linear. Textile's tactility brings a lot of joy to work with, but notice the way I want to express it is still complicated. (Paragraph about what textile has been for me, its tactility, the form of storytelling, method of the material etc.) It always feels like my works are unfinished, something missing, or I could use more elaboration. Is it a loss in translation? Is there a finished product? Or is it laziness? I wonder about all this, especially with the feeling that I am sabotaging myself. It started out of fear, the failure, that is. It now feels like a way of working, the “method” of stopping/giving up. Working around simple things because they are not simple to me: a block, a wall. (look into the culture and interests I grew up in that made this kind of method or struggle) (this paragraph is a bit rambly, I want to basically dig into my self-destructive behaviour and difficulty in making art and question if this could be solved, accepted, or seen as a method. If so, is it my art style then? Honestly, this text that I’m about to write feels like a spiral of thoughts about why I am so indecisive and confused about myself, my work, my choices, my environment etc.)